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Dear Colleague

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[24 Mar 2012|08:53am]

Dear Colleague,

When I was about two years old my Mother taught me to cover my mouth with a hand if I was going to cough or sneeze. I still do it now.

Why don't you?

Your co-worker.
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Dear Night Auditor [27 Mar 2007|09:27pm]

Dear Full Time Night Auditor, you goat ass sucking son of a cheap whore from a Tiajuana donkey show,

I had hoped that you would be a man. I was warned that you wouldn't be, but I had hoped. Last night, you proved to me your utter lack of manhood. A Ken doll has more manhood than you. I may have done you favors in the past, but those days are over. I've been here for almost 2 fucking years, and I ask you for only one weekend, and you refuse? And you cheerfully rub lemon juice into the wound by telling me that you have a "permanant" babysitting job for a high paid stripper? I mean..I knew you worked at night, but dude...where is your inner filter! You could at least come up with a better story than that! Sick grandmother. Your sister's kids! But no...You tell me that after I worked all of Bike Week, and worked 2 different Superbowls for you, that you can't plan one weekend to work for me, in advance, because of a stripper... And frankly, that's just assuming this insane story is *true*! Cause frankly...I don't think even a low paid stripper would want to leave her kids with a weird, introverted reclusive unmarried male like you. Dude..You have pedo smell all over you. Serious creepy uncle vibe.

That's ok, though. That's fine. Your days are numbered. Know how I know? Because the Big Boss has decreed that there will no longer be TV in the lobby. None. Joe can not help you there. I had planned to take every remote in the lobby and hide the box under Diane's desk if the TV had still been here, but guess what? It's not! It is goooone already, bro. Awww...No TV for you. Go cry in the corner, EMO BOY! I will have the distinct pleasure of watching you walk in...Look over...and see the empty space where once TV was. Your best friend. Your faithful companion. And also, those nappy assed shorts? Those are gone too! Say hello to the Dress Code. You got to go get you some slacks now, bro.

I look forward to watching your every twitch of discomfort. I know you were the asshole who ate my cottage cheese single out of the shared fridge. I regret all those times I decided to be the better person than my co-workers, and made sure you too had a plate of food from the employee lunches. Never again. Starve for the cottage cheese that you stole from me.

Sincerly, and with gleeful malice,

Part Time Night Auditor

PS: I'm gunning for your job.
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Site you all will enjoy [02 Dec 2006|08:30pm]
Hey all!

I found this site that you all will probably enjoy. It' similar to what we have going on here in this community.

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Dear Fellow Front Desk Worker [26 Jun 2006|10:37pm]

Dear First Shift Gal,

Since I was schedualed to man the front desk completely alone today, I just want to [f***ing strangle] thank you for the way you started out helping some checking in guests while I was counting the drawer, then layed the money, and card keys on the counter in front of me, only have had them fill out the reg card, not put anything into the system, and then left, mid transaction. I was taken totally off guard, and looked vaguely foolish, but *you* just looked plain rude, and ignorant.

Your Second Shift Relief.

PS: I no longer feel guilty about snitching your flavored creamers. Yeah, that's me. HA HA HA!
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[06 May 2006|07:08pm]
Dear colleague,

You are a prat and an idiot. Taking time off during work hours to wash your car with soap and water from the shop kitchen is bad enough. Encouraging others to follow your lead is irresponsible. If I had the power to sack you, you would have been gone months ago.

Dear colleague 2,

You are also an idiot, for following the previous idiots ideas. He is the worst person to base your work ethic on as he doesn't have one. You may be young, and not worried if you loose the job, but you are also impressionable. So far the impression you are absorbing is not going to help in the rest of your life. I am seriously going to try to get the power to sack people.

Dear boss,

Please let me sack them. Pretty please. Go on. I really want to. It will be so nice, and you won't miss them. They're useless. Please. Please.

The one without the power to sack.

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FOOD = MINE [17 Mar 2006|03:00pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Dear New Colleague,

Stop eating my lunch in the fridge.

Get off of your fat ass and buy your own damn food.

From Monday, I lace bits of my lunch with laxatives.

Love from The Receptionist.

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New Community [04 Mar 2006|10:01pm]


A place for Australian customer service workers and customers to tell stories, ask advice and have a vent about problems. Tell others about job opennings where you work or ask if anyone knows about something available. Customers can tell of the best and worst of Australian customer service as they have encountered it.

This is a new community to address the unbalance of negative customer service communities. Please join, the more the merrier!

Please delete if inappropriate.
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[04 Mar 2006|03:19pm]

Dear Colleage,

I totally understand that it isn't your job to serve at the counter. I totally understand that you asked me to show you how to do it so you could 'back me up'. I totally understand that you don't actually want to do any of the 'hard' or 'crap' parts of my job. I totally understand that you really don't want to help me at all. I totally understand that we have lots of lovely looking girls who come in that you like to oggle at.I totally understand that you want to make remarks about them before they have moved out of ear shot. I totally understand why you leave half way through serving a man or unattractive person if the said lovely looking girl leaves the store. I totally understand that you see no advantage of continuing a transaction through to it's end if you don't get a perve out of it.

I'm sure you'll understand why I gave a written statement to the cops when that 'hot whore' from last week decided to press harrassment charges against you. I'm sure you'll understand why my signature is on the letter asking you to resign that the boss is giving you on Monday.

We're both very understanding individuals after all.


Your 'wouldn't mind fucking her' manager
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[30 Dec 2005|01:57pm]
Dear Colleague,

I am sorry that you have no money with you, but I will not give you your wages a day early. I do not trust you to turn up tomorrow, or any day after. I do not want to be the one who gets shouted at for giving you money you have not earned. Smiling at me, feigning stomach ache or calling me unfair, will not change my mind.

Your Manager.
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To the cleaning staff [04 Nov 2005|11:36pm]

Dear Crackheads,

I understand that your world is a tough place, and you aren't making it alot better, but it really pisses me off when I rent a room to some perfectly reasonable customers and they call down to tell the the room that *you* marked as clean is in fact, not clean. That the beds are unmade and underwear is on the floor. Do you think you won't be caught? Just gambling? Well, thank you for putting me in an awkward position.

Your Night Auditor.
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[29 Oct 2005|12:24pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Dear Colleague,

I realise the new staff member is a pretty young female, and is therefore nicer to look at than most of our customers, but... YOU ARE STILL HERE TO WORK. Please get on with things, rather than looking at her all day. You are married for God's sake.

Your Manager.

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To the Maintanance Staff [15 Oct 2005|01:13am]

Dear Maintanance Guys, and perhaps Boss,

Yanno...There are many things about working in this hotel that is annoying. I was annoyed when the big, strong Nascar dude wanted me, the night auditor, to come to his room to spray a single palmeto bug. I am annoyed about every week when someone invariably shows up late, making me wait for them when all I want to do is go home and sleep. But I think...I think I am really concerned when I see a note up for maintanance that says, "Lightswitch as you go in the game room gives you a serious electric shock." That is one of those things that makes me debate my continued employment. I do hope this is cleared up soon.

Night Auditor
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[24 Aug 2005|06:13pm]


Iffen sumthin's got your name on it, it goes to you.

Iffen it don't, then it don't.

The deliverer of things with names
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[22 Jul 2005|05:01pm]

[ mood | peace. I am at peace ]

Okay, so I know I've been doing some things wrong. I know I'm not exactly new to the workplace, okay? However, I am new to this position and this was my first day to work it alone; could you take that into consideration and maybe cut me a bit of slack? Try not to tell me how to do my job, 'kay? Especially when it's not, nor has been been, your job.

Also, I go through a lot of stuff in a day, much more than I did in my old position. Asking me if I remembered something you did is akin to me asking you how many times you breathe in any given hour. I don't just see your stuff cross my desk, 'kay?

In hopes of finding more patience,

your frustrated colleague

Dear Dayshift Frontdesk Person [27 Jun 2005|04:44am]

Dear J,

I am vastly relieved that our interaction is limited to shift change. You, frankly, are a twit. You obviously don't have a concept of professional bounderies, since you come in and make announcements about how you have left your abusive boyfriend, and then how you have returned to him. It might be different if you were looking for advice, or help, but you never take not one bit of it. You are, imho, just looking for attention. I also get to correct your mistakes, and I hear all about how you like to stand outside on the cell phone most of your shift.

But what *really* made me decide to write this letter is the poem you left in the copier, after looking up clipart online, printing that, and printing the poem you wrote in MS Word, you pasted them together and copied them to make a single work of art. For posterity, here is the poem:

I'm Sorry

I want to say I'm sorry for

certain things I say.

And sometimes how I act is really

not the way.

We are so far apart, my mind

sometimes goes astray.

I know this is no excuse for what

I said today.

If you were with me, at your feet

I would lay,

So that you would know how sorry I


And that I will continue to love


Forever and a day...

I have not altered one line.

Very Interesting.

Your Night Auditor.

PS: I think you are a loon.
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[20 Jun 2005|06:40pm]

My esteemed colleagues,

I have an appointment tomorrow, one that I am not going to miss. I had assumed my area of work would be covered. Obviously, I assumed wrong.

Granted, my area will still be covered while I'm at the appointment tomorrow. However, the person I thought was covering it isn't, which is a wonderful to have to ask to find out. No offense to the person who is now covering for me, but, well, you, literally, are unable to do my work. And some of it has to be done by a specific time, which I will not be able to do because my appointment is in the most inconvenient timeslot.

And no one thought they should mention it to me?

My thanks, esteemed colleagues, my thanks.
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[13 Nov 2005|03:53am]

Dear Co-Workers:

I can stand your manifold jackassery no longer.

[Rude Carhop]:
I do not find your sexual gestures every time I walk past amusing.
I do not find your frequent lewd comments amusing.
I've tried telling you nicely, I've tried telling you rudely; I assure you I am not being coy. "DON'T do that again." isn't code for "I want you"... If you do not fix this behavior soon, I'm going to seek manegerial intervention, and you can rest assured she isn't buying your act, either.

Furthermore, Please SPEAK ENGLISH, goddamnit. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. I can't understand a single word you say half the time, and whenever "izzle" or it's ilk comes out of your mouth, I deduct five points from my estimate of your IQ and 100 words from my estimate of your working vocabulary. You probably don't want to know the current figures on that.

[Rude Cook:]
While Rude Carhop has you beat in the category of frequency, you hold the record for the most brash, offensive, comment that has ever been made to me. Even the men who hassle me on the street haven't managed to come close to the offensiveness that comment. I'm not overreacting, and I don't need a thicker skin.

You guys really need to shape up. If I wanted to put up with this crap, I'd be working at the Gold Club and not Sonics Drive-in.

[Daytime Drive-thru Clerk]:
"Damn! Your real hair looks worse than my weave!" Is not an appropriate greeting.

Also, my real hair looks ten times better than your weave.

[Rude, Disruptive Fountain Clerk]:
I really wouldn't mind the fact that you have lousy intrapersonal skills if you would just do your job and not interfere with me doing mine. You physically blocking me from getting ice out of the bin on your side when I was in a hurry interferes with my job preformance. You may be new here, but It is routine for the bins on each of our sides to be used for the collective. Secondly. It is your job to put the food on the counter so I can then give it to the customer. You are not supposed to make it, and then tell me to walk to the preperation area to get it from you because you don't feel like walking the extra ten feet. Don't get snitty when I tell you that you read the order wrong and to make it over. Dealing with me politely asking you to do this is better than me having to placate the irate customer.

General Kitchen Staff and [Rude Fountain Clerk]:
Please refrain from trying to tell me what to do with my hair, or insulting it. I am aware that it's frizzy. I have curly hair, and it is frequently very humid. I realize you don't know the signifigance of this, but basically it means there isn't too much I can do about it. You're all practically bald, so I can understand (NOT) how you wouldn't be able to see that when you have waist-legnth hair, it's a bit of a hassle to do more than brush it into a ponytail or braid it most days. Furthermore, as to the color of my hair, I happen to like the streaks of color. You don't have to, because it's not your head, but if that's the case, then shut the hell up about it.

Also, I am neither "crazy" or "retarded," and I resent the lables. I could kick your collective asses intellectually without breaking a sweat. I have not been behaving in an inapropriate manner, and I have not been rude to you. Please accept my eccentricities gracefully. You only have to accept my presence while we're on the job, and ignore me (READ: Leave me the hell alone, I don't like be harrassed by you guys in wal-mart, either) when were not. I just want to do my job without having to listen to a running sidebar about my apparent mental state and other such things. I don't think that's too much to ask.

The Boss:
Please refrain from making arbitrary desisions about procedure until you contemplate the implications for the people who will have to carry out the procedure. This might be easier if you actually participated in the day to day operation of the store.

--Sincerely Yours,
A very disgruntled drive-thru clerk

x-Posted, 'cause I'm disgruntled mad as hell.
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[16 Mar 2005|05:45pm]
Dear Colleague,

Please work whilst you are here. I am considering talking to the boss about your attitude and lack of action when he is not in the building. I do not think it would be hard to convince him you are not worth the higher than normal starting rate you convinced him to pay you, because you are not doing anywhre near enough work to justify it. Maybe a pay cut would get your attention. Maybe I can get you fired due to your inefficiency. How many times do I have to repeat instructions to you? how many more excuses can you come up with? Please either buck up or get out.

Your supervisor (-ish.)
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[05 Feb 2005|09:58am]
Dear Colleague,

Please at least make the effort to look like you are trying to work whilst you are here. It annoys me immensely that you spend most of your time looking out of the window or "concentrating" on jobs that stop you serving the customers who pay your wages. If you don't get with the program soon you might find yourself out of a job.

Your frustrated supervisor.
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[24 Nov 2004|11:50am]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Dear Manager,

Excuse me for being baffled as to how or why you wanted me to write out instructions on how to open a program on the desktop, or in the start menu. Yes, call me lazy when I try to ask you why, or how on earth you would want me to give you steps on how to perform such an action, when I'm only trying to figure out if you're really trying to get me to explain steps to a little bit more complicated of an action. Please, don't watch while I show you how, considering it's something a 3 year old could do. Continue to mock me, even though you're the jackass here.

I am this close to walking out on this job.

you're cashier whom you are driving to insane levels of frustration

crossposted to dear_colleague and co_workers_suck

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