I had hoped that you would be a man. I was warned that you wouldn't be, but I had hoped. Last night, you proved to me your utter lack of manhood. A Ken doll has more manhood than you. I may have done you favors in the past, but those days are over. I've been here for almost 2 fucking years, and I ask you for only one weekend, and you refuse? And you cheerfully rub lemon juice into the wound by telling me that you have a "permanant" babysitting job for a high paid stripper? I mean..I knew you worked at night, but dude...where is your inner filter! You could at least come up with a better story than that! Sick grandmother. Your sister's kids! But no...You tell me that after I worked all of Bike Week, and worked 2 different Superbowls for you, that you can't plan one weekend to work for me, in advance, because of a stripper... And frankly, that's just assuming this insane story is *true*! Cause frankly...I don't think even a low paid stripper would want to leave her kids with a weird, introverted reclusive unmarried male like you. Dude..You have pedo smell all over you. Serious creepy uncle vibe.
That's ok, though. That's fine. Your days are numbered. Know how I know? Because the Big Boss has decreed that there will no longer be TV in the lobby. None. Joe can not help you there. I had planned to take every remote in the lobby and hide the box under Diane's desk if the TV had still been here, but guess what? It's not! It is goooone already, bro. Awww...No TV for you. Go cry in the corner, EMO BOY! I will have the distinct pleasure of watching you walk in...Look over...and see the empty space where once TV was. Your best friend. Your faithful companion. And also, those nappy assed shorts? Those are gone too! Say hello to the Dress Code. You got to go get you some slacks now, bro.
I look forward to watching your every twitch of discomfort. I know you were the asshole who ate my cottage cheese single out of the shared fridge. I regret all those times I decided to be the better person than my co-workers, and made sure you too had a plate of food from the employee lunches. Never again. Starve for the cottage cheese that you stole from me.
Sincerly, and with gleeful malice,
Part Time Night Auditor
PS: I'm gunning for your job.